True

False

1. I value my needs enough to identify them and state them clearly, rather than arguing about what I "deserve" or "should" get.

2. I'm more likely to mutter to myself, "What's wrong with me?" than to wonder "What need of mine isn't being met?"

3. When I express a need, I don't attach it to a particular action, such as: "I need you to take the garbage out without being asked!" My need is really for support and trust and ease. When I connect with my needs, it is easier for others to respond compassionately.

4. I connect my feelings with my needs and follow it up with a do-able request. For example, "I'm feeling edgy and need some order and serenity right now. Would you be willing to pick up all of your things in the living room?"

5. I'm afraid that expressing my needs will make me seem weak or dependent. (Try to think of expressing needs - that which is most alive in us - as a precious gift.)

6. Instead of calling you a liar, I recognize my need for congruency and ask for help in understanding how your and my version of the truth can match up.

7. I stop before yelling at my children or partner to check in with myself to see what needs are not being met in that moment.

8. I'm so used to taking care of everyone else's needs, I don't even know what my own needs are.

9. I don't express my needs by interpreting or diagnosing someone else's behavior. For example, "That noise is so annoying! You're just trying to get under my skin!" (My need might be for solitude or harmony or consideration.)

10. I hold firmly to my needs, but I don't get attached to the strategies I've developed for meeting those needs. For example, there are hundreds of ways to meet a need for connection. I could ask my partner to call me every day at lunch; I could volunteer at a senior citizen center; I could talk to others on the bus; or, I could organize a weekly women's or men's gathering. I needn't cling to just one strategy.